Sometimes it's not Ninja training

Sometimes you go through periods in your life where everything you do falls completely apart. That's where I am right now.

In addition to battling severe depression, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness and anger, John no longer seems to want to be with me. He and I have been having some struggles lately, but I've been working toward things on the "list" (he and I created lists of issues that we wanted to discuss with the other) and thought I had been making improvements. I've been with him for four years, and really thought he was "the one", but almost every week it seems like he's pulling further and further away.

What does a person do when she's already feeling depressed? She clings, of course. Last night I begged John not to leave me. Although I totally understand, emotionally, why I do that, I can't reconcile with it rationally.

If someone doesn't want to be with you, why should you want to be with them? And, if you truly love them, why should you try to force them to be with you?

So that's where I am right now. And exhausted. Not sleeping well lately has taken its toll on me.