Holy CRAP. When I read in February that "Year of the Tiger" was going to be full of humongous changes, I didn't think they were going to be quite THIS huge. To sum up (so far):

1. John and I broke up after six years. Initially I was extremely upset, but for the past three months I've been extraordinarily happy and relieved. That was not the right relationship nor the right person for me. Thank God for both of us that it finally ended.

2. My mom bought her own house and moved out! Yay! I never thought I'd love living alone as much as I have been. Unfortunately, Keith moves in in a month. Ah well.

3. Semi-related to #2, several rooms in my house are being remodeled, including the kitchen and bathroom. The kitchen still isn't done, and I'm sick of eating out. However, the house is looking better than it ever has before, and is cleaner than it's ever been before.

4. I not only passed a kirigami test at the Tai Kai in July, but I also finally passed 4th Kyu in Jujutsu just a few weeks after that.

I'm not the same person I was a year ago. Not at all. It's incredible. I feel like the real me again, which is something I haven't experienced in many, many years. In addition to everything else, I can now drive stick-shift, will be taking motorcycle-riding lessons soon, and am even starting to fall for someone who's incredibly awesome.

To summarize, 2010 has kicked my ass, and I've taken every single thing that's come my way and turned it into something remarkable.

I totally forgot to post about the Tai Kai. It was awesome. Our Grandmaster, Tanemura Soke, and some of his Shihan had come to Milwaukee for the Tai Kai, as well as a few other dojos and their respective Dojo-Cho. I met some new friends, had fun with my current friends from my dojo, hurt my shoulder (the ONLY downside) doing a Ninpo roll on a hard floor, and watched a couple of people test for Yondan.

I love it when the martial arts seminars come around. A weekend full of martial arts. Nothing to complain about!

Keith and I passed 5th Kyu last night, each of us earning a 97 on our test. W00T!! I write down the score more for my own memory than to brag. Actually, there's no bragging at all in it. It's all because I've already forgotten what my first two belt Kyu test scores were. I think a 97 and a 96, but I'm not positive. I'll have to ask Sensei if he has them.

The test was a huge surprise. My shoulder is "jacked up" as a friend puts it, and the doctor said I strained my *mumblesomethingLatinmumble*, and I told Sensei that last night, but he said we were going to test anyway.

Even though I was surprised, I wasn't terribly nervous. I figured I'm ready for it, and if I'm not, I can test again some other time. It went pretty well! Our traditional technique, Katamuna Dori, was probably the best one I'd ever done. And Sensei was kind to my poor shoulder, and had Keith do Ura Gyaku Henka Dori on someone else. It's a technique that involves several different locks, mostly of the shoulder.

Now Keith and I are on to 4th Kyu! Sweet. :)

John

I just want you to know that I love you.

Real Ninja Training!

Egads. The Tai Kai and documentary viewing are THIS WEEK!! *excited and nervous all at the same time*

Sometimes it's not Ninja training

Sometimes you go through periods in your life where everything you do falls completely apart. That's where I am right now.

In addition to battling severe depression, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness and anger, John no longer seems to want to be with me. He and I have been having some struggles lately, but I've been working toward things on the "list" (he and I created lists of issues that we wanted to discuss with the other) and thought I had been making improvements. I've been with him for four years, and really thought he was "the one", but almost every week it seems like he's pulling further and further away.

What does a person do when she's already feeling depressed? She clings, of course. Last night I begged John not to leave me. Although I totally understand, emotionally, why I do that, I can't reconcile with it rationally.

If someone doesn't want to be with you, why should you want to be with them? And, if you truly love them, why should you try to force them to be with you?

So that's where I am right now. And exhausted. Not sleeping well lately has taken its toll on me.

Things are interesting right now

Last Tuesday, two days after passing 9th Kyu sword and Sho-Kyu staff, I received an email stating that my iaito (training sword) was finished and had shipped to my house! The timing, less than six weeks after I ordered it, felt like a Godsend. It actually felt like a reward for my passing my weapons tests.

I tracked it through the Japanese EMS shipping site. In one day it went from the Kyoto prefecture to the Osaka prefecture, and a day and a half later was in Chicago. I received it on Friday. And wouldn't you know it - snow kept us from having a weapons class Friday night!

Grrr.

But I had a massage scheduled with Dan Sensei on Saturday morning, so he still got to see it right away. He thoroughly approved of my iaito, which I am still trying not to drool over. I L-O-V-E it. It's gorgeous. Below are a couple of quick shots I took of it.

Keith ordered his iaito 10 days after I ordered mine, so if it's made as quickly as mine was, it should be shipping early next week! And, not to be outdone, John ordered his iaito today as well.

In related news, I think martial arts have become my life. In relaxed moments at work, I find myself looking at the e-budo site, or reading Tanemura Soke's book, or mentally going over Kyu-level techniques and things I learned at the Shibu Kai.

In UNrelated news, I received my merit increase (aka raise) last week. Without going into details, I will just say that it was a very nice raise, and I am very grateful for it.