Yeah, bad pun in the title. So here's the deal: Back in high school I was 160 pounds as a freshman, 135-150 pounds as a sophomore, and closing in on 200 pounds in my junior and senior years. When I was 155-ish pounds or below, I looked fantastic.
I'm currently at 152 pounds, and I have probably five pounds of loose skin on me. But even though I'm technically the same weight I was when I was in high school, I feel like I look a lot worse. My calves are bigger (ok, I shouldn't feel bad about that, because they're incredibly muscular now from all the running and whatnot), my stomach is bigger (a good amount of that is loose skin), etc. Actually, except for those two areas I feel pretty good. And even my calves I feel good about. I just wish they were a TINY bit smaller.
My original Weight Watchers goal weight was 145 pounds. As I dropped pounds, I decided to lower my goal to 133 pounds. At 133 pounds I wouldn't be overweight anymore (I'm only 5'1"), plus it would mean that I've lost exactly half my weight.
But my body isn't cooperating. For a few months now I've been bouncing around the 150's, which I hadn't seen since I was 16. I just CANNOT get below 152.
At what point do I say, "Ok, I'm really healthy, my weight is pretty decent, and I've lost over 100 pounds, so I should go into maintenance"?
I know that a tummy tuck might change things completely. It might make me realize that my weight, as is, is fine. And it would also probably remove a few pounds.
I don't know. I won't starve or do anything drastic to get below 150 pounds, but I'm feeling sort of discouraged lately.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
What to wear to the Ren Faire?
It occurred to me last night that the Ren Faire opens in a month and a half. And I've undergrown my bodice, chemise, skirt, etc. Crap.
So I need to figure out 1) what to go as, 2) what to wear, and 3) how to acquire new garb. My skills with a sewing machine aren't quite laughable, but it'd be more productive of me to just work and give money to someone else who has much skill at creating things. Not to mention that the power supply/foot cord to my sewing machine is missing, so it's a moot point anyway.
Pirates 3 naturally makes me want to do the pirate thing. But a lot of people are still doing the pirate thing. Although I *did* like Elizabeth Swann's wardrobe in Pirates 3. Very drool-worthy. But I think I've narrowed it down to a kunoichi or a samurai, sans armor. Now, if I went with the latter, I'd almost already have the outfit. I have a heavy weapons top, hakama, a black obi, bokto, hanbo, jo, etc. However, I have those things because I use them in Weapons class, and I know Sensei would have my hide if I wore my black obi or my hakama outside of class.
But that doesn't mean I can't buy ANOTHER hakama just for use for the Ren Faire.
The kunoichi is a different matter completely. I think I could easily do that one, but no one would know what the heck I am. Well, most people wouldn't. And while it fits in with the period, it's not Elizabethan.
So I'm still thinking about this one.
So I need to figure out 1) what to go as, 2) what to wear, and 3) how to acquire new garb. My skills with a sewing machine aren't quite laughable, but it'd be more productive of me to just work and give money to someone else who has much skill at creating things. Not to mention that the power supply/foot cord to my sewing machine is missing, so it's a moot point anyway.
Pirates 3 naturally makes me want to do the pirate thing. But a lot of people are still doing the pirate thing. Although I *did* like Elizabeth Swann's wardrobe in Pirates 3. Very drool-worthy. But I think I've narrowed it down to a kunoichi or a samurai, sans armor. Now, if I went with the latter, I'd almost already have the outfit. I have a heavy weapons top, hakama, a black obi, bokto, hanbo, jo, etc. However, I have those things because I use them in Weapons class, and I know Sensei would have my hide if I wore my black obi or my hakama outside of class.
But that doesn't mean I can't buy ANOTHER hakama just for use for the Ren Faire.
The kunoichi is a different matter completely. I think I could easily do that one, but no one would know what the heck I am. Well, most people wouldn't. And while it fits in with the period, it's not Elizabethan.
So I'm still thinking about this one.
Long, rambling post
Much fun was had this weekend. So much, in fact, that I almost didn't mind coming in to work today.
On Saturday, Keith and I went to the Domes and de-stressed among the flora. From there we headed to Jujutsu. I got to be the Sempai! There were only two other people in class, but hey...
I did a pretty good job. We got lightly scolded by Sensei for not having our KJJR patches on our gi tops yet, and told that we better have them on by the next time he sees us, which is tonight. "Hai, Sensei." Needless to say, today I have with me my gi top, my patch, some black thread (couldn't find it at first, until I checked my sewing machine...duh), and a couple of needles. Because that patch looks pretty thick.
That night we went to see Pirates, which was fun. On Sunday, John and I spent the night at the hotel, which conveniently has a waterpark attached to it, so John, Keith and I spent a few hours there yesterday. Hauling a tube up several flights of stairs multiple times can INDEED be considered ninja training, as can pulling John and Keith under the waterfall whilst going through the lazy river, despite their almost laughable attempts to avoid it.
When we got done with that, we grilled out. Now, I have NEVER grilled out before. I've eaten food that others have grilled, but I've never actually been the one to cook the food. And I have to say, I think I've found my niche. My mom calls me the queen of nuke (microwave reference), but I made corn on the cob last night that was PERFECT. I also made veggie burgers, soy dogs, portabella mushrooms, onions, and biscuits, all of which came out yummy. I need to use the grill more often.
And then I started a new Star Wars campaign. I've DMd plenty of times before, but never for the d6 Star Wars RPG. But John was practically begging to actually play in one rather than just run it, so I got them started on their characters, and ran a mini-session last night that they liked. After John left, Keith and I took a long walk, went through our current Jujutsu level (testing is going to be any day now, I hope), and just chatted about random things.
All in all, a very busy but fun Memorial Day weekend.
On Saturday, Keith and I went to the Domes and de-stressed among the flora. From there we headed to Jujutsu. I got to be the Sempai! There were only two other people in class, but hey...
I did a pretty good job. We got lightly scolded by Sensei for not having our KJJR patches on our gi tops yet, and told that we better have them on by the next time he sees us, which is tonight. "Hai, Sensei." Needless to say, today I have with me my gi top, my patch, some black thread (couldn't find it at first, until I checked my sewing machine...duh), and a couple of needles. Because that patch looks pretty thick.
That night we went to see Pirates, which was fun. On Sunday, John and I spent the night at the hotel, which conveniently has a waterpark attached to it, so John, Keith and I spent a few hours there yesterday. Hauling a tube up several flights of stairs multiple times can INDEED be considered ninja training, as can pulling John and Keith under the waterfall whilst going through the lazy river, despite their almost laughable attempts to avoid it.
When we got done with that, we grilled out. Now, I have NEVER grilled out before. I've eaten food that others have grilled, but I've never actually been the one to cook the food. And I have to say, I think I've found my niche. My mom calls me the queen of nuke (microwave reference), but I made corn on the cob last night that was PERFECT. I also made veggie burgers, soy dogs, portabella mushrooms, onions, and biscuits, all of which came out yummy. I need to use the grill more often.
And then I started a new Star Wars campaign. I've DMd plenty of times before, but never for the d6 Star Wars RPG. But John was practically begging to actually play in one rather than just run it, so I got them started on their characters, and ran a mini-session last night that they liked. After John left, Keith and I took a long walk, went through our current Jujutsu level (testing is going to be any day now, I hope), and just chatted about random things.
All in all, a very busy but fun Memorial Day weekend.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
I forgot to mention that John, George, Keith and I (we sound like the Beatles - I call Paul, which means Keith has to be Ringo) saw Pirates 3 last night at the new Marcus Majestic. Very nice theater, and our seats were awesome. Very comfortable chairs.
The movie was great. A bit long and convoluted, and at times a *touch* confusing, but very enjoyable. I definitely liked it better than the second one, which I also find entertaining.
Keira Knightly...*sigh*
I like her as an actress. Or I used to. But between Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, the "I'm trying to come across as a tough pirate-like chick, so I'm going to shriek a lot" thing was getting tiring. Much like a few other actresses, Keira Knightly just doesn't have the charisma or intimidation to pull off her role. Which is too bad, because she's a very lovely girl, and I like her a lot in other movies.
Orlando Bloom. The man just keeps getting hotter and hotter.
The movie was great. A bit long and convoluted, and at times a *touch* confusing, but very enjoyable. I definitely liked it better than the second one, which I also find entertaining.
Keira Knightly...*sigh*
I like her as an actress. Or I used to. But between Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, the "I'm trying to come across as a tough pirate-like chick, so I'm going to shriek a lot" thing was getting tiring. Much like a few other actresses, Keira Knightly just doesn't have the charisma or intimidation to pull off her role. Which is too bad, because she's a very lovely girl, and I like her a lot in other movies.
Orlando Bloom. The man just keeps getting hotter and hotter.
On Friday I got to work about 20 or so minutes early, due to no traffic because of the long Memorial Day weekend. AND I found a close parking spot in the garage. So I got out, walked the few feet toward the doors, and saw a barely fledging-aged baby bird huddled near the tire of another car, shivering really badly.
So naturally, because the baby didn't look to be doing so well, I scooped him up, put him in a towel in my car, cranked the heat up, and took him to the Humane Society. Once there, I saw them put the baby in an incubator, filled out a donation card (because I can't just take animals there and not make a donation, even though they already get money from me monthly), and headed *back* to work.
Lost the parking space, which figured, but isn't a big deal, and ended up 10 minutes late, which again isn't a big deal as I'm salaried, and pretty much make my own hours. But it does figure. Ah well. At least I know that the baby bird is doing a lot better.
Friday night was fun. Weapons class was intense, as it has been for the past several weeks. Even though the bokto still feels heavy sometime, I do definitely think I'm getting stronger, and I can see marked improvement in my pecs and arms. The definition is coming along.
Today John and I are going to a really nice hotel for the night, and tomorrow we'll be playing at the waterpark, which is conveniently attached to the hotel.
In other news, I switched back to the Flex plan on Weight Watchers. I had been doing the Core plan for about eight weeks, and although I did enjoy it, toward the end I started to feel too restricted. It doesn't help that I don't like to cook. Now that I'm back on Flex, I feel more control over myself again, which is a great relief.
So naturally, because the baby didn't look to be doing so well, I scooped him up, put him in a towel in my car, cranked the heat up, and took him to the Humane Society. Once there, I saw them put the baby in an incubator, filled out a donation card (because I can't just take animals there and not make a donation, even though they already get money from me monthly), and headed *back* to work.
Lost the parking space, which figured, but isn't a big deal, and ended up 10 minutes late, which again isn't a big deal as I'm salaried, and pretty much make my own hours. But it does figure. Ah well. At least I know that the baby bird is doing a lot better.
Friday night was fun. Weapons class was intense, as it has been for the past several weeks. Even though the bokto still feels heavy sometime, I do definitely think I'm getting stronger, and I can see marked improvement in my pecs and arms. The definition is coming along.
Today John and I are going to a really nice hotel for the night, and tomorrow we'll be playing at the waterpark, which is conveniently attached to the hotel.
In other news, I switched back to the Flex plan on Weight Watchers. I had been doing the Core plan for about eight weeks, and although I did enjoy it, toward the end I started to feel too restricted. It doesn't help that I don't like to cook. Now that I'm back on Flex, I feel more control over myself again, which is a great relief.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Maybe binging IS Ninja training
Ok, so maybe binging itself isn't ninja training, but getting back on track certainly is. Even though it's hard to get past the mentality of "I already messed up, so why bother trying to fix it now?" I've always managed to get back on track the very next day after having a binge.
That mentality, however, is the reason so many people continue to put off making healthy lifestyle changes. They mess up one day, and feel like their week is blown. They always say they're going to start Monday, but that magical, life-changing day never comes. Each moment is an opportunity in which to make amends, to make things right.
On a totally unrelated note, my darling boyfriend John donated blood for the first time on Tuesday, which was our 3-year anniversary. I'm very proud of him. Even though I didn't benefit directly from it, I still see it as a beautiful gift to commemorate our anniversary.
One more tangent: Keith and I are now signed up for TWO more 5Ks. This running stuff is getting addictive. Between it and Jujutsu, I can't see myself ever getting out of shape again.
That mentality, however, is the reason so many people continue to put off making healthy lifestyle changes. They mess up one day, and feel like their week is blown. They always say they're going to start Monday, but that magical, life-changing day never comes. Each moment is an opportunity in which to make amends, to make things right.
On a totally unrelated note, my darling boyfriend John donated blood for the first time on Tuesday, which was our 3-year anniversary. I'm very proud of him. Even though I didn't benefit directly from it, I still see it as a beautiful gift to commemorate our anniversary.
One more tangent: Keith and I are now signed up for TWO more 5Ks. This running stuff is getting addictive. Between it and Jujutsu, I can't see myself ever getting out of shape again.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Binging - not so much with the Ninja training
Annoyed at Google for NOT saving my draft, and then timing out after I sent my last post. Grrr.
Anyway, in the just four days short of 17 months that I've been on Weight Watchers, I've only binged four days. Unfortunately, all four of those days have occurred in 2007, and worse yet, two of them were just this past week.
I'm not sure what's wrong with me. You'd think that after losing 114 pounds this would get *easier* rather than hard. Sensei and I talked, and he suggested that I start journaling, and also that I go back to the roots.
I do know that it's hard to keep going when your coworkers, who have seen you at your high weight of 266 pounds, keep calling you "skinny." I know. I'm not skinny. Not at 5'1" and 152 pounds. But comparatively speaking, I am a LOT smaller. With all the exercising I do, I'm also pretty muscular.
But it doesn't change the fact that I still have 20 pounds to go. And these last 20 pounds are absolutely killer. I never used to feel sorry for women who "only" had 10 pounds to lose. In fact, I'd roll my eyes about it, because when I was 130+ pounds overweight, 10 pounds seemed like nothing. But now those last few pounds have become a bigger beast than the 100+ pounds that came before them.
I've never been this small before in my entire adult life. Maybe my body doesn't remember life below 150 pounds. But my head does. And my head is being screwed over every time I have a great week, staying on plan, exercising EVERY DAY, and gain a pound. Which is what happened last week. What the heck is up with that???
I think that's the real source of my frustration. Despite all my hard work, I tend to have a pattern now of losing a pound, gaining a pound, and then losing half a pound. Rinse, repeat.
My motivation is almost nil right now. And it's so easy to say, "You're almost at goal. Taking a day off plan won't hurt you."
No, it probably wouldn't. Not if it were only one day. But this is twice this *week* so far. I have got to get it back together. I have to find that disconnect. Because I refuse to go back to the weight I used to be. I love how fit I am now, and I want to become even more so.
But I'm really struggling right now, and I'm not exactly sure why.
Anyway, in the just four days short of 17 months that I've been on Weight Watchers, I've only binged four days. Unfortunately, all four of those days have occurred in 2007, and worse yet, two of them were just this past week.
I'm not sure what's wrong with me. You'd think that after losing 114 pounds this would get *easier* rather than hard. Sensei and I talked, and he suggested that I start journaling, and also that I go back to the roots.
I do know that it's hard to keep going when your coworkers, who have seen you at your high weight of 266 pounds, keep calling you "skinny." I know. I'm not skinny. Not at 5'1" and 152 pounds. But comparatively speaking, I am a LOT smaller. With all the exercising I do, I'm also pretty muscular.
But it doesn't change the fact that I still have 20 pounds to go. And these last 20 pounds are absolutely killer. I never used to feel sorry for women who "only" had 10 pounds to lose. In fact, I'd roll my eyes about it, because when I was 130+ pounds overweight, 10 pounds seemed like nothing. But now those last few pounds have become a bigger beast than the 100+ pounds that came before them.
I've never been this small before in my entire adult life. Maybe my body doesn't remember life below 150 pounds. But my head does. And my head is being screwed over every time I have a great week, staying on plan, exercising EVERY DAY, and gain a pound. Which is what happened last week. What the heck is up with that???
I think that's the real source of my frustration. Despite all my hard work, I tend to have a pattern now of losing a pound, gaining a pound, and then losing half a pound. Rinse, repeat.
My motivation is almost nil right now. And it's so easy to say, "You're almost at goal. Taking a day off plan won't hurt you."
No, it probably wouldn't. Not if it were only one day. But this is twice this *week* so far. I have got to get it back together. I have to find that disconnect. Because I refuse to go back to the weight I used to be. I love how fit I am now, and I want to become even more so.
But I'm really struggling right now, and I'm not exactly sure why.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
